How to Know You're Dealing with a Narcissist

We all believe we know what narcissism looks like. After all, aren’t a majority of politicians and Hollywood A-listers narcissists, projecting their massive egos onto the world? While that may be true in some cases, narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. They walk among us, some of them obvious, and some of them covert. 

So how can you tell if you’re dealing with an actual narcissist or just someone who is a bit full of themself?

The term “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot these days. If someone is selfish, manipulative, or arrogant, they might be labeled as narcissistic. But does that mean they have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)? Not necessarily. While many people exhibit narcissistic traits from time to time, true narcissism—especially NPD—is much more complex.

If you’ve ever wondered whether someone in your life is a real narcissist or just self-centered, here’s how you can tell the difference.

1. They Lack Genuine Empathy

One of the hallmark traits of narcissistic personality disorder is a lack of empathy. True narcissists struggle to understand or care about other people’s feelings. They may dismiss your emotions, invalidate your experiences, or only show concern when it benefits them.

For example, if you’re upset about something and they respond with, “You’re too sensitive,” or “That’s not my problem,” this could be a sign of narcissistic tendencies. A person without NPD, even if they have selfish moments, can still express compassion and understanding.

2. They Crave Constant Admiration

Narcissists thrive on external validation. They need constant praise, admiration, and attention to feel good about themselves. If they don’t get it, they may become angry, sulky, or manipulative.

A narcissistic person might:

• Brag excessively about their achievements
• Exaggerate their accomplishments
• Seek admiration at the expense of others
• Become upset when they are not the center of attention

If someone in your life demands recognition and lashes out when they don’t receive it, this could be a red flag.

3. They Manipulate and Gaslight

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where a person makes you question your reality. Narcissists often use this tactic to maintain control.

They might:

• Deny things they’ve said or done, even if you have proof
• Twist facts to make you doubt yourself
• Accuse you of being too emotional or irrational
• Shift blame onto you

If you constantly feel confused or like you’re “walking on eggshells” around someone, this could be a sign that they are manipulating you.

4. They Have a Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

A narcissist often sees themselves as superior to others. They may believe they are more talented, intelligent, or successful than they really are.

This can show up as:

• Believing they deserve special treatment
• Looking down on others
• Expecting people to cater to their needs
• Acting entitled in relationships or at work

While confidence is healthy, narcissists take it to an extreme level where they feel above the rules or deserving of special privileges.

5. They Struggle with Criticism

Even the most self-assured people don’t like criticism, but they can usually handle it. A true narcissist, however, reacts with rage, defensiveness, or complete denial when confronted with their flaws.

They may:

• Lash out at the person offering feedback
• Play the victim to gain sympathy
• Shift the blame onto someone else
• Completely ignore the criticism

If someone in your life never takes responsibility and always turns criticism into a personal attack, this could be a sign of narcissistic traits.

Is It Narcissism or Just a Difficult Personality?

Not everyone who is selfish, arrogant, or manipulative has narcissistic personality disorder. A true narcissist displays these behaviors consistently and persistently across different areas of life—work, relationships, and social settings.

If someone only exhibits narcissistic traits in specific situations (like during a breakup or a stressful time), they may not have NPD but rather temporary narcissistic tendencies.

What Should You Do If You’re Dealing with a Narcissist?

If you suspect someone in your life is a narcissist, here are a few steps to protect yourself:

• Set clear boundaries – Narcissists tend to push limits. Be firm about what you will and won’t tolerate.
• Avoid getting drawn into their drama – They may try to provoke emotional reactions. Stay calm and detached.
• Seek support – Talking to a therapist who understands true NPD and personality can help you process your experience.
• Consider limiting contact – In some cases, the healthiest choice may be to distance yourself from them.

Final Thoughts

True narcissists don’t just have big egos or selfish tendencies—they have a deep-seated personality disorder that affects their relationships and interactions with others. If you recognize these traits in someone you know, it’s important to protect yourself and set boundaries.

Understanding narcissism can help you navigate difficult relationships while maintaining your own emotional well-being. If you’re struggling with a narcissistic person in your life, reaching out for professional support can make a big difference.